your heart 's on the loose, and this ain't no place for the weary kind

I probably talk about my Fairview patients too much, but whatever. Usually at Fairview I feel like I am learning less about what it will be like to be a doctor, and more about what it would be like to have a hospitalized child. It hurts. Last night a two and half year old sweetheart stole my heart. As we played with her toys in her crib, she kept quiet while I chatted about queens and candy and picnics. She had lost all of her hair, and her entire body was broken out in a red, flaky rash. Her ECG leads wouldn't stick to her deteriorating skin, so the monitor constantly rang out. As nurse after nurse attempted to fix the stickers, the little angel patiently held still and kept quiet, with the same exhausted, pained look of someone who has known nothing in life but pain. She finally laid down for sleep, and I held her hand and sang her lullabies until her breathing became rhythmic. But the expression remained on her young face. So I didn't let go of her hand. When the nurse came in and saw me, and said that I could leave because the little girl was used to sleeping alone, I nearly burst into tears. I contained my emotions and politely declined.

It's moments like these, moments that mean so much to me, that make me think I should be looking into nursing.