poke at my iris

Here's the thing, I haven't cried in probably 3 months. This concerns me. Logically, it really shouldn't be a bad thing. But really? Do I ever have logical thoughts? The fact that I haven't had a reason to cry should be a good thing. But I dislike it.

Perhaps it aligns with my love of depressing movies (i.e. Revolutionary Road, Closer, ..), and my love of depressing music (9 crimes, Damien Rice, Song for You, Alexi Murdoch, Breathe Me, Sia .. ). Sometimes when I'm too happy (like for the past few months, for example) it just makes me antsy. That must be pretty abnormal, right? Desiring to be sad cannot be a healthy thing.. It's just so me though. I am very drawn to sad things. Favorite weather? Rain. Favorite stories? memoirs about people's fucked up lives. What is it about sadness that intrigues me so?

I anyways felt the need to cry yesterday, but held it in. My eyes filled up with tears, I think, because the whiteboard got blurry. I had just gotten my Ochem test back. I haven't really shook the feeling yet. So I've gotten my sad back. But still, I wish I would just cry about it or something.
Poke at my iris, why can't I cry about this?
and now we're unrelated and rid of all the shit we hated
but I hate when I feel like this and I never hated you