So, I was upset with my friend (well, concerned I suppose is a better term) for not being comfortable with being single. It unnerved me! You have got to be okay with yourself. Independence. Making yourself happy. Being alone.
Why would anyone want to be in a "relationship" anyways? What does that create? Rules? rules are meant to be broken. Fights. Struggles. Strife. Heartache. Lies. Betrayl. Crying.
In my opinion, relationships are too extreme. When is it ever a good idea to be all or nothing? And as I say this, I can't help but wonder if this leads to safety--another concept I think people should keep away from. Am I being safe by keeping my emotions at the luke-warm level? Passion is not a bad thing, nor is hatred. I adore those extremes, so why can't I justify it from the relationship standpoint? I'm going to maintain that I don't believe in the concept of marriage and forever. But maybe the point is to go after those things anyways.
I've been very interested in psychology lately (by "interested," I mostly mean the media I'm attracted to addresses this concept, namely: abnormal psychology). People with mental disorders like OCD (ie Caty from Skins.. love. her.) grow up to realize they've been on medications for their entire lives. Another example, Garden State (maybe my favorite movie).. Andrew's revelation is that he has been numb to every experience in his life. Maybe I have a natural drug in my brain that distances myself and makes me numb to experiences too. Can I turn it off? Is it just something I have to work at a bit? Does everyone have the drug in their minds, but choose to overcome it? Why is it my natural response to encourage the drug?
Anyways.. I've probably come up with more questions than answers in my self-evaluation. Today I invited the man to my little girl's track meet. This is a big step. I didn't want him to come. Him meeting someone so important to me? Big step. That is me letting him in in a huge way. Big step. That is almost like saying we're in a relationship. Gross. But I asked anyways. Because I'm trying.
I was anyways turned down. Maybe he really was busy. But the logical-me tells me he wasn't. The logical-me tells me that he also doesn't want this to be a relationship. Which is a relief.
Right?
rae rae this blog post made me giggle out loud. you are hilarious, and concerning. relationships are not the anti-christ. relax... however, you and not being in one is just fine as well! however, this boy seems interesting!
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