not even grey, but she buries her baby

Today I waited at a stoplight to cross the street as a mother and her two young boys waited also, on the other side. The light turned green. I had that wonderful, warm feeling in my heart you get when you watch little kids playing. Being happy. Enjoying life.



Songs of Innocence.

And so, as if on cue, Experience infected the scene.

Halfway across the street, the children had passed, my mind had already moved on. The warmth in my heart lingered though. It's funny how that can happen. One child, one ridiculous laugh, one crooked grin with missing teeth. It can change your outlook. Even if you don't notice it does. It's the collection of these moments that change you. Change everyone. Change our minds, our hearts. It's love, I think.


I probably wouldn't have noticed that the mother was still in front of me. I wouldn't have noticed that I was studying her face, reading her, judging her, envying her, trusting her. But I did notice. Because you notice panic. Horror. Dread. Hysteria.

And it was electricity through my body. I think I stood still, but I can't be sure. I think my eyes were wide with horror to match the mother's. Or maybe they had snapped shut. And I think my twisted stomach doubled me over and I spilled its contents there in the street. Or maybe I stood still, I can't be sure.

Then she shrieked. And I must have turned, because I saw the blue car flatten her child. I saw his tiny body, which had just seconds ago bopped around happily, laying lifeless in the street. I saw pools of dark red grow from beneath him. I saw his mother collapse at at his side and scream to her god. For a new chance. A time reversal. Her baby back.

And tires screeched.


And my mind snapped back to life. The distorted face in front of me softened with relief. I eagerly whipped around to find the car crooked on the street. The boy unscathed.

Blissful, innocent of his near fate. That was awhile ago. A couple of days. I haven't stopped shaking.