first time blogger

I guess this means I am a blogger. Finally, now. Hopefully, for longer.

On with introductions I suppose. I am a freshman in college.

how do I have time to blog? I don't, not even kind of. But, as an avid reader of blogs myself, I notice a trend: nobody does have time, but do it anyways.

I have a tendoncy to not know what I'm doing, ever. I kind of am lost in the world and no longer have a realistic expectation that I will ever know where I am. I have a hard time showing myself to people, but I have always wanted to so I will try my best. I used to love to run, but then this thing called college happened and I stopped. I don't really know why. For the past few weeks I have been trying to get back in shape and it..is..not..fun. The only thing keeping me keeping on is my foggy memory of how much I loved to run. I hope when I finally get in shape I will be able to run without feeling like I want to die.

oh yeah, I am a drama queen.

So I will be sharing some tidbits of my training. Ah yes, I am training for a marathon. Either Twin Cities or Chicago--so not until next Fall. Can I say I am training though it is more than half a year away? Not sure. I'm not fast or really intense about races, so don't expect me to be motivating. In fact, reading my blog could likely make you think running is an awful habit that makes crazy people go crazier. Ah well.

I am a recent convert from vegetarian to vegan, and I'm not very good at it. The vegans I know ask their server to have the kitchen make their order separate. Their lips cannot touch something that touched something that touched a dead animal. I'm envious.

As I said, I am a student. I am basically obsessed with becoming a doctor--a rare constant in my life. Pretty much every other day I get very excited about a different specialty. It has usually been some type of surgery, but lately I actually have landed on pediatrics. I volunteer at a hospital where I get to play games with little kids and rock 30-day-old babies to sleep and be the mom I know I will never be. I have time now for just one shift a week and it never fails to be the highlight of said week. I leave depressed. For days after I miss "my" child. Today I miss Lucy. When I close my eyes I see hers. Huge, brown, curious. I nearly slipped her under my coat as I left, but I guess I'd like to keep my job.

I can't think of anything else to introduce now. My oddities will come out I'm sure as I write on. This post is very choppy and disgusting, but hopefully I get better at it. Until next time...ciao.