black skin is peeling off and leaving me grey

.. and it itches.

Golden Globes

These aren't in any particular order, I just went through everybody and picked out the ones I have something to say about. There are a lot. Deep breath, and here we go:

Sofia Vergara. I don't actually know who this is, but on the Red Carpet show yesterday, she was like all over. And today she made a bunch of best dressed lists. Anyways, I found her rather annoying, and I also don't like her dress.

Robert Downey Jr. sigh. He looks perfect. I adore his red tie. The female next to him is his wife. I envy her ridiculous amounts.

Olivia Wilde. She made the tops of many best dressed lists, and I have to agree. I mostly adore her shoes, but especially paired with the dress. Perfect.

Nicole Kidman. I think my opinions may be skewed based on my love for the wearer. Nobody was thrilled with this look, some even had her on worst dressed lists. I adore it, especially with Keith on her side. Just adorable.

Natalie Portman. This could be another biased case: I love love love her, plus I love love love the bump. I wish I had one. Anyways, I love her, but not many of the fashion police did. Anywhere But Here is currently on--the part where she is auditioning for an acting job. Ugh. Just so lovely.

Michelle Williams. I hate hate hate the dress. But, I recently saw Michelle Williams in a movie. A fantastic movie: Imaginary Heroes. And she was great, even though she had a small part, but it was fantastic.

Leighton Meester. Maybe another bias (because I adore Blair Waldorf of Gossip Girl), but I love this dress. Fashion police said a "trashy Laura Ingles Wilder." Fuck em.

Jayma Mays. Who? No idea. But my goodness she is lovely here. I love her red lipstick with that gorgeous gown.

Jane Krakowski. Who? I don't care--I love the bump!

Hailee Steinfeld. I just love this girl from True Grit (movie was disappointing for a Cohen brothers, but she was fantastic in it.. so was Jeff Bridges). Her dress is.. sweet. I mean she's 14. So sweet is perfect.

Eva Longoria. I just love love this, minus the goofty broach. I reminds me of Claire's (that jewelry store we went to when we were little kittens.)

Emma Stone. This was another one on Worst Dressed, which is of course wrong. It's beautiful.

Elisabeth Moss. This is cute, and I love that color of green.

Dianna Agron. This is my Best Dressed top pick. I don't know who this girl, and I don't even think she is that pretty. But the dress is positively my favorite, I love it.

Catherine Zeta-Jones. Her dress is gorgeous, but my favorite is her accessory: Michael Douglas. He is adorable.

Carrie Underwood. Her dress is ugly, she is ugly, her clutch is ugly. She has a BumpIt in her ugly hair. That's all I have to say.

Anne Hathaway. Of course, this is gorgeous.

Angelina Jolie. I love this. I love the sleeves, and the cinched waist. It is gorgeous.

his ladder to the stars

Cancer.

To be completely honest with myself, I don't understand it.



I like to consider myself a pretty compassionate person--I think every person is, actually. And I think if you want to be a doctor, you are especially atuned to this emotion. I've narrowed my current favorite specialties to two: pediatrics and geriatrics. I know, geriatrics isn't a specialty--nor does it, obviously, fit with any pediatrics fellowship. But anyways, it would probably be a family medicine fellowship, but thats besides the point. They are at opposite ends of.. life. But I've made a couple possible connections as to why I'm interested in these two fields:

1.) It's all about vulnerability. Children and the elderly are similarily completely helpless--and that's just in general and not taking into account an illness or disability. I think this is why I love them and feel a strong passion for helping them.

2.) These are the only two types of patients I've helped (at the nursing home and at Fairview)..in other words--I'm going to be drawn to all patients. Which is okay, too.


But anyways, cancer. The other day my sister said I should go into oncology. It is interesting. If my first theory is correct, that I'm drawn to especially vulnerable people, what is possibly more vulnerable than a disease that is ruining you from the inside out, with little to be done? My hesitation? The little to be done. I'm a doctor (in this hypothetical future).. I would like for there to be much to do. Everything I can do possibly. Then I thought, but what about research? I could do cancer research! How wonderful would it be to make it more possible for doctors to DO something. I had always written off my MD/PHD fantasy when I considered the time that would be taken away from my clinic time. But what if that time was spent doing something so incredible. So there didn't need to be so much time to see patients. So they could actually GET BETTER. I should look for cancer labs I could work in now, as an undergrad.

**this revelation, of course, took place at Fairview tonight while I was hanging out with a little boy with Leukemia, whom I am in love with..**


I get to my phone at the end of the night: email from the professor at my current lab (plant research)--summer research opportunity $4,000 stipend for plant research.


Maybe I'll stick with plants for now..



And death is at your doorstep
And it will steal your innocence

Lord have mercy on my rough and rowdy ways

so people and things don't pair anymore with what they used to pair with before

if you think you're going to faint, go out in the hallway. Let them all have your neck.

I think it was the happiest time of my life but I had to stop before I died because otherwise it wasn't fun

This is my face. This is my other face. This is my name. Abracadabra! Wow.

I like boys on swings and girls on skateboards. I like babies in highchairs. I like pharmaceutical medicine wrappers. I like people in hats with big eyebrows. I like people in hats with big eyebrows and big mustaches. I like wearing all my clothes at once. I like people who don't smile. Ever. And I like people who smile. I like hair that goes on and on.

In some ways I love..everything.

It's less of a thing I like. Less distinct, less particular. I like things that I like but I love everything. There's more choice in like. Because even the worst things are things to love.

I love things so much I feel like I could float away.







But that's wrong. I don't understand that very much.

I hate shoes. I hate people who change their voices when they say something important. I hate my thighs. I hate war. I hate silly costumes that cling. I hate invitations. I hate radiators.